What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
