WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
