you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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