we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
