The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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