Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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