R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
