She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
that's an acceptable place to lick
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
