AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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