I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
