You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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