I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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