Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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