I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
