that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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