So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
