so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
soo... how was my night?
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