I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
