you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
