I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The beer is more important than you right now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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