You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize