I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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