Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
