I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
