You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
