yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize