We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
