I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
