maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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