I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
