Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
