so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
