Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
