its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
