you have to choose: penises or morals?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
