Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize