Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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