the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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