you're like a bully in the Christmas story
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
