I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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