i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
