I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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