If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
