Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
