so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
