I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize