I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
