rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
