We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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