I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
