I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
