I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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