i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
