Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
