I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
