I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
