Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to align my fucking chakras
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
