Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
