Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
