made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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