For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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