When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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