that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
