On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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