Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
