people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
