is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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