So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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